People can only take so much emotion. They soon begin to display all the classic symptoms of sentiment fatigue: yawning, fidgeting, talking. Sure, they want – and expect – to experience some good, old fashioned soul-satisfying emotion, but they also want to sit back, have a good time and be entertained. So keep them happy by enlivening your sentimental passages with touches of humour.

Choose your material with ingenuity and reconsider it with care. Does the humorous line arise naturally from the serious words that precede it? Does its punchline act as a punctuation at the end of a paragraph so that you can embark smoothly on the next topic? Always try to use jokes and stories that have a telling point. In that way, if you fail to win a laugh, you can go right on talking as if you never meant to. Then it appears that the only reason for saying what you did was its message. If they don’t laugh, they won’t know they haven’t!

 

1 Making Humour Work For You

The central dilemma facing many speakers may be put thus: I want to be funny, but I’m not a comedian. Unless you are a gifted comic, you can take the much simpler but equally effective course to win your laughs – play it straight. Leave broad comedy performance to the professional clowns. For most of us, the best way to tell a joke or relate an anecdote is to do so seriously and to follow these tricks of the trade:

• Don’t apologise for your inexperience: avoid lines like ‘I don’t tell jokes too well, but I’ll do my best’. This destroys your humour even before you start.

 

• Keep it short and simple (KISS): at a wedding, half the crowd may not know the other half. If you include unnecessary detail or drag the story out at least half your audience will lose interest.

 

• Allow your guests enough time to enjoy the joke: if you rush the delivery, you’re undercutting the effect you worked so hard to achieve.

 

• Speak slowly and clearly: make sure the audience can understand every word of your joke – especially the punchline.

 

• Enjoy yourself: smile and look happy. Your mood will be contagious, making it that much easier for you to get a laugh.

 

But we all have some abilities and talents. Don’t hide your light under a bushel. Any regional accents or dialects which you can do well (and only if you can do them well) should be incorporated into your stories. A punchline is doubled in effect in the appropriate Cockney or Brummie accent, especially after a ‘straight’ and serious build up.

2 Seeing The Funny Side Of Things

Here are some lines that you could use or adapt to take a few friendly little pot shots against yourself, your daughter, son-in-law and wife. You’ll find plenty more gags in Chapter 7.

Yourself

Any speaker who cannot laugh at himself leaves the job to others. Poke fun at yourself before you poke fun at anyone else.

Your Daughter

Don’t forget that it’s her big day. And a few crass words can shatter it. Target your humour with extreme caution and care.

Your Son-In-Law

Once again, don’t be too cruel and be aware of how he – and his family – are likely to react to any ribbing.

Your Wife

Use one or more of the following lines if – and only if – it is likely to be received by your good lady in the humorous spirit that you no doubt intended!

3 Offering Some Words Of Advice

Finally, here are some not-too-serious pearls – or rather trinkets – of wisdom which you may wish to impart:

To The Bridegroom

‘Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.’

 

‘Advice to the bridegroom? Easy. When she hands you a dishcloth, blow your nose and hand it back.’

 

To the bride

 

‘Whenever you introduce your husband to someone, refer to him as your first husband – that should keep him on his toes.’

 

‘Remember that although you are now married, your husband would still enjoy a visit to (local football team) and an occasional night out with the lads. Let him know you appreciate this. Mention what he’s missing every now and then.’

 

To the happy couple

 

’Remember that marriage teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint and many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you stayed single.’

 

‘Always remember that money comes first and last. You’ve got to make it first and then make it last.’

 

‘Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.’

 

‘And a word of advice to you both: The best way to get the last word in any argument is to say “sorry.”’

 

‘Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.’

 

Checklist   Humour helps relax you and your guests. It also lightens the mood and makes your serious points the more poignant   Tell a few gentle jokes about yourself – and possibly your daughter, son-in-law and wife. But be careful not to cross that sensitive line. If in doubt, leave it out.   Intermix a few jokey pieces of advice with your more serious offerings.