So you will be ‘saying a few words’ on your daughter’s big day. The problem is we don’t get much practice, do we? That’s why this first chapter gets right back to basics by reminding you, or perhaps telling you for the first time about the essential requirements of a successful bride’s father’s speech. By all means crack a joke or two, if that’s your style, but never hide behind your humour.
Do not be afraid or ashamed to share poignant, personal moments with the guests. Emotion is an invisible chain that links person to person, regardless of age, gender, race, background or creed.The audience is on your side. They are not a jury. They are willing you to do well. And, quite frankly, they won’t give a damn if you fluff a line or two. What they will mind, though, is if it becomes embarrassingly obvious that you have not even bothered to take the time or effort to find out what is expected of you.
1 Confirming The Programme
Traditionally, the
bride’s father opens the chatting, playing most of his delivery with a straight bat. You need to come across as solid, thoughtful and sensible. But you also need to
show that there is a lighter, more humorous side to your personality. Let the guests know how much you care for your daughter and how confident you are that she and your new son-in-law will have a wonderful new life together.
Next comes the
bridegroom who’s expected to be a little more adventurous. He needs to show that he understands the importance and significance of the occasion, yet he needs to be quite amusing too.
Finally comes the
best man. His speech should contain plenty of humorous asides and friendly digs about the bridegroom, but these should all be underpinned with a few congratulatory thoughts and optimistic remarks.
However, this conventional pattern of speeches is becoming somewhat outdated. For example, it assumes that the bride was brought up by two parents – and today over two million people in Britain haven’t been. And things have changed socially and culturally too – girl power and all that. Today far more women than ever literally want to speak for themselves.
So now it’s perfectly acceptable for speeches to be made by other people instead of, or as well as, the traditional big three – perhaps by a
close family friend, by the
bride’s mother, by the
bride and groom jointly, or by the
bride herself. It all depends on the particular circumstances, attitudes and backgrounds of the newlyweds.
The speeches usually begin after the guests have finished eating. Their glasses should be charged
before anyone speaks. If there is a toastmaster, he will say something like ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, pray silence for Mr Ben Nevis who will propose a toast to Mr Sydney and Mrs Pearl Harbour’. If there is no toastmaster, the best man should do the honours, but in a less formal manner: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please be silent as Mr Ben Nevis proposes a toast to Mr Sydney and Mrs Pearl Harbour.’
2 Knowing Your Purpose
The main purpose of every wedding speech is to propose a toast or to respond to one, or to do both:
- The bride’s father (or close family friend, relative or godfather): proposes a toast to the bride and groom.
- The bridegroom (possibly with the bride): responds to the toast and then proposes a second toast.
- The best man (or best girl): responds to the second toast on behalf of the bridesmaids (and any other attendants).
3 Getting The Tone Right
This is an important day for your daughter, for you and for the rest of your family. Your speech should reflect this. It should be:
- Emotional: you should feel free to display strong personal feelings. Describe an incident or two that demonstrates the joy you and your wife have had in bringing up your daughter and the pleasure you have found in getting to know your new son-in-law – and his parents. However, you must be genuine. False heartiness, cheap sincerity and – worst of all – crocodile tears will all be obvious to an audience.
- Optimistic: this is not the time to share your personal woes, paint a gloomy picture of the present or offer dire predictions about the future. Stress your certainty that in her husband’s care, your daughter will prosper along with him and -with a little homily on the ‘give and take’ necessary to a successful marriage – the confidence you have that happiness must accompany the love they so evidently bear for one another.
- Enlivened with humour: inject a little humour into your speech. You do not need to be a stand-up comedian, indeed you should not be. But you must allow the humorous side of your personality to shine through. Some of us are naturally witty. But most of us are not. If you cannot tell jokes, then recall amusing personal anecdotes. They always go down well provided they are used in context and the point of the story is obvious.
- A tribute to the happy couple: refer to some positive characteristics of both bride and groom which are well known to the audience (perhaps speak of your ‘devoted daughter’ and her ‘hardworking husband’). Then declare your confidence that they will make all the effort needed and will not be found wanting. This is a marriage made in heaven. They were made for each other!
4 Remembering The Golden Rules
This simple ten-point plan will ensure the contents of your speech will be memorable – and for the right reasons!
- Thank everyone for coming to celebrate your daughter’s big day.
- Say a few affectionate words about the bride and groom.
- Stress the joy you and your wife have had in bringing up your daughter.
- Relate one or two amusing or serious incidents from her childhood.
- Talk of the pleasure you have found in getting to know your new son-in-law and his parents.
- Offer some (possibly amusing) thoughts about love and what makes a happy marriage.
- Declare your confidence that the bride and groom will make all the effort needed and will not be found wanting.
- Learn your opening and closing lines by heart but rehearse the rest of your speech not to be perfect, but to be comfortable. If you feel comfortable, so will the audience.
- Try to wrap your speech up within five minutes. Leave them wanting more.
- Relax and enjoy the moment!